just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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