i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Randomize
