Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
