dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
