she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
