I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
