I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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