I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize