I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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