Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
