i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
