I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
