get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
