Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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