Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
