I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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