WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
