idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They have beer where we have blood.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
