dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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