I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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