My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
