I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
