omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
