also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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