just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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