Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
