how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
