You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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