The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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