You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
