I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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