in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
