i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
