Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
