So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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