He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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