I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize