you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
