he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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