the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
