Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
