is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
