oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
