i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
