He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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