She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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