Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize