He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
