I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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