I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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