DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
