Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
