I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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