I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize