my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
