My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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