If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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