The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
