Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize