somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this just has baby written all over it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
