Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
