Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
