i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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