I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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