Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
